never properly met brian, brown, watched from a distance at gay bar in rochester, new york, "muther's," every friday and saturday night, for a full year, watched him dance, animal, was afraid, didn't approach, drag enthusiast, tipped the ladies, beautiful chest, shirt off, boyfriend shorter, heard voice once, slurred and soft, finally gave blowjob to him in bathroom, sperm tasted like seaweed, nerd aesthetic with glasses, magnetic and cold, drank rolling rock, never saw him at club again, saw him skating in the city 2 years later, looked tired, he didn't recognize me, maybe straight. definitely love. 1998.