top of page

save the world

eat a dick!

ANDY PINK

  • When should I start fucking male butt?
    When you're comfortable.
  • If I were to be gay, would I be up to the task of fucking a man's butthole?"
    If you're gay, probably.
  • Do you fuck male butt?
    I do. But in this FAQ I'd prefer to talk about sucking dick.
  • How will I know when I'm comfortable with fucking male butt?
    You'll know.
  • Is "fairy" an okay word to use to describe a male homosexual?"
    I think so.
  • Is "queer" an okay word to use to describe a male homosexual?"
    Personally, I would advise against it.
  • Is "dyke" an okay word to use to describe a male homosexual?"
    Creative choice.
  • Is "faggot" an okay word to use to describe a male homosexual?"
    Sure.
  • Right now?
    Okay!
  • Do you want to suck my dick?
    Yes.
  • Who do you think my celebrity doppel-ganger is?
    Owen Wilson.
  • When?
    When is good?
  • Do you think I'm attractive?
    Yes.
  • How do you know so much about gays?
    I'm gay.
  • Are there limits to gay sex?
    I think you mean "limitations." Yes, I would say that there are emotional limitations.
  • Is desire transparent?
    Oh, no. I don't think so.
  • What do lesbians do in bed?
    No idea.
  • Am I gay?
    Another question for Spirit.
  • Is everyone gay?
    Unfortunately, no. I think about 50% of men and about 20% of women are gay.
  • Are testicles intended to be placed in man's mouth?
    Another theological question. What's your major in college? I would say "intention" is a useless criterion when thinking about sex.
  • How do you know that this is the intention of balls?
    I never said that was the intention of balls. In fact, I advised you not to think in terms of intention.
  • Why do people choose not to be gay?
    Well formulated question. Fear?
  • Is it true that there is a third gender?
    No, it is not true that there is a third gender.
  • How many testicles is possible?
    Another question for God. But I hope no more than two.
  • Do my parents know that I am gay?
    Probably.
  • Do my friends know that I am gay?
    Possibly, I'm not sure.
  • What is semen?
    Semen is the syrup that come out of the hole at the tip of the penis.
  • Why are girls different from boys?
    Only God knows that.
  • How do you know when you've met a boy?
    He has a penis. Nowadays, it sometimes takes a bit of guesswork.
  • What is a penis?
    A penis is the male sex organ ("genital") along with the balls and the ballsack.
  • Why is sucking each individual ball hard the most important aspect of sucking dick?
    It feels good.
  • What is the most important aspect of sucking the balls?
    Sucking each individual ball.
  • What is the most important aspect of sucking dick?
    Sucking the balls.
  • What is the most important aspect of sucking each individual ball?
    Sucking each individual ball hard.
  • What is the best aspect of the ballsack?
    The covering.
  • What is the best aspect of the balls?
    The ballsack.
  • What is the best aspect of the penis?
    The balls.
  • Do you mean the "scrotum"?"
    Yes, that's what I mean.
  • Where can I find a cut dick for my wet, thick, and warm boy lips?"
    Right here. How old are you?
  • For me, which is best: circumcised penis or uncircumcised penis?"
    I'm not sure. What type of lips do you have?
  • Before I answer that question, is there a proper type of lips for sucking dick?"
    The best lips for sucking dick include: wet, thick, and warm lips.
  • For my wet, thick, and warm lips, is it best to suck a cut dick?"
    If you're like me, yes, suck a cut dick.
  • Is there anything I can do as a young cocksucker to avoid oral pain?
    No. Just keep sucking.
  • As a cocksucker at the end of your life, do you have any dick sucking regrets?"
    I'm only 40. No regrets.
  • If you had to identify one regret about lifelong compulsive cocksucking, what would it be?"
    The oral pain.
  • Really, you regret the oral pain as consequence of chronic sucking dick?"
    This guy's going to regret the oral pain in the morning —
  • Are there any gay Gods whatsoever?
    It depends on whether you are worshipping individually (say, like a Protestant) or collectively (say, like a Catholic). I myself prefer group worship.
  • Is God gay?
    I don't think so.
  • How can I find a church of queer cocksuckers?
    Local newspaper.
  • Why isn't God gay?
    It was a different time back then.
  • Andy, is it true that you died a virgin?"
    Yes. As I've said, "sex is so messy." I wanted no part of it.
  • You've never been a cocksucker?
    No, I've never sucked a cock.
  • Finally, Andy, why was it important to you that Interview magazine — Andy Warhol's Interview — bear your name in its title?"
    Publicity.
  • Andy, if you had to imagine what sucking a hot dick feels like, what would you say?"
    I bet cocksucking feels like plastic. But I don't know.
  • Mrs. Reagan, I have read that you were well known in Washington as an incredibly gifted cocksucker — is that true?"
    Oh yes, Andy, I love sucking cock. Ronnie loved having his cock sucked.
  • What is your favorite kind of meat?
    Dick.
  • Mrs. Reagan, is it true that you insisted that your husband become vegetarian after his reelection?"
    Yes, I insisted that Ronnie stop consuming meat for health reasons. I became the sole meat lover in our marriage.
  • Do you have any idea whether Jane Wyman, President Reagan's first wife, was a good cocksucker?"
    Ronnie never talked about Wyman. But if you look closely at her mouth — which is very tight and narrow — let's just say: I'm not sure Wyman would be able to take Ronnie's cock whole.
  • Will, what kind of dick do you like?"
    I like hardcore black dick.
  • Do you also suck white dick?
    I would never do that.
  • Are you a hardcore cocksucker?
    Yes, hardcore.
  • Will, what happened to you?"
    I left the industry. Hollywood is racist. I've been redlined out of all white projects.
  • Diana, do you consider yourself a gay icon?"
    Absolutely. I love gay boys! I love blond gay boys!
  • Diana, are you a size queen?"
    Yes! I love sucking massive cock after a hearty meal.
  • Are you a chronic cocksucker?
    Absolutely!
  • What's your favorite part of the penis?
    I like the color.
  • During your days on the HBO Comic Relief specials with Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, and Whoopi Goldberg, you often made jokes about lesbians — are you a lesbian?"
    No. I'm a total cocksucking heterosexual.
  • What are your feelings about hot testicles?
    I love ballsack. The ballsack is beautiful.
  • Is Whoopi Goldberg a lesbian?
    Probably. I hate that bitch.
  • Did you ever give a blowjob to Robin Williams?
    Yes. Robin has a massive dick and I'm sorry he is gone.
  • What's your favorite kind of cock?
    Hipster cock.
  • Man, you got fat, what happened?"
    After I left the Smiths, I started binge-eating, mostly cold cuts.
  • Man, you got old, what happened?"
    After I left the Smiths I stopped all self-care.
  • You're not a vegetarian?
    Certainly not. With the amount of dick I eat I'm pracitally on the Paleo diet.
  • Are you a cocksucker?
    Yes.
  • What color is your dick?
    White flesh color.
  • What size is your dick?
    7.5"
  • Oscar, do you have a penis?"
    Yes.
  • Do you — personally — think that Jesus was gay?
    Jesus was a faggot, yes.
  • Ian, what is this metal fascination with the biblical figure of Judas?"
    I've always been intrigued with the idea that Jesus was in on the deception, the betrayal, that the (queer) kiss was a performance for the sake of the intentional sacrifice of Christ.
  • Ian, are you also a ballsucker?"
    I love sucking balls.
  • Are you a heavy metal hardocore cocksucker?
    Fuck yes.
  • Are there definitively queer planets in outer space?
    Yes, many astral configurations are queer, including stars.
  • Pluto, do you identify as gay?"
    Outer space doesn't have the same taxonomical system for gender and sexuality as earth, but I would say that, yes, I am gay.
  • Whose dick do you most want to suck?
    I prefer sucking on the balls. There's nothing quite like sucking outer space planet ballsack. But do you mean whose _dick_ do I most want to suck? That would be neptune's dick. If nepture is a real planet.
  • Pluto, what's the deal, are you a real planet?"
    Yes. I'm just out of style at the moment. I'm very far away.
  • Dr. Kissinger, do you prefer circumcised or uncircumcised dick?"
    I prefer cut dick for sucking and uncut dick for getting fucked.
  • Are you cut or uncut?
    I'm Jewish.
  • Dr. Kissinger, do you consider yourself a war criminal?"
    No.
  • What do you think was our fundamental mistake in the Vietnam War?
    I don't think we made any mistakes in Vietnam. I think we held them.
  • Why Charlie Bucket's penis?
    It was pretty good the first time.
  • Mr. Wonka, are you a child molester?"
    Yes.
  • Whose dick do you most want to suck?
    I'd like to suck on Charlie Bucket's fat cock.
  • Are you a cocksucker?
    Yes.
  • Have you ever sucked Mowgli's dick?
    Several times. Uncut.
  • Kaa, where did your fucked up name come from?"
    Rudyard Kipling came up with it. African something.
  • What kind of dick do you like to suck on?
    Mixed-race dick.
  • Are you a hardcore ballsucker?
    Yes. Mixed-race.
  • Mary, was the WJM newsroom in Minneapolis just one giant fuck fest?"
    Yes. I can't tell you how many times I've sucked Ted Baxter's fat dick!
  • Do tell me, how many times have you sucked Ted Baxter's cock?"
    Only about half as many times as I've sucked Lou Grant's giant dick!
  • What's the best part of cocksucking?
    Finally feeling like a girl.
  • Mary, are you going to make it after all?"
    I'm not sure. But until I do I'm going to continue to suck dick!
  • What is your song, "Only the Horses," supposed to be about?"
    Cocksucking.
  • Are you all good cocksuckers, even the chick?"
    Yes, we all suck dick.
  • Cut or uncut?
    The guys like cut, and the girl likes sloppy uncut dick.
  • Are you criticized for being a filthy queer pop band?
    Yes. People are jealous, you know?
  • Is everyone at CNN an enthusiastic cocksucker?
    Anderson Cooper certainly is.
  • Mr. Toobin, is it your sense that lawyers are simply defending the extant system?"
    Yes, I think that's right. Can I suck your dick?
  • Mr. Toobin, are you an avid cocksucker?"
    In my older age, yes.
  • Mr. Toobin, did OJ Simpson do it?"
    He did.
  • Are you a total faggot cocksucker, Johnny?"
    I am now. I think all guys are total faggot cocksuckers. Men are natural cocksuckers.
  • Johnny, take this the right way, but you're not particularly attractive (e.g. you're white), so what did Michael see in you?"
    I agree. I am not hot. I think Michael liked my vibe. I was on the varstiy high school team — The Lions — and I was very popular. There was a rumor around school senior year that I shaved my balls — which is true — and I think that excited Michael.
  • What's up with your last name, "Clementine"?"
    I know. Kind of girly. I bet Michael liked that too. Is he a top?
  • Johnny Clementine, who the hell are you?"
    I'm Johnny Clementine, I was Michael Williams's high school crush. I'm a legend.
  • John Schneider, was there hot queer sex on the set of "The Dukes of Hazzard" back in the early 80s?"
    Andy, there was so much fucking queer sex on the set of "The Dukes of Hazzard" back in the early 80s. So much fucking queer sex. Uncle Jesse (Denver Pyle) is — to put it politely — the consummate bottom or — to put it explicitly — a bareback pig.
  • You've never had sex with Tom Wopat?
    I sucked Tom's dick several times in the General Lee during shooting breaks. You know who else likes to suck dick? Catherine Bach...
  • Is Sorrell Booke (Boss Hogg) a total faggot?
    Sure is.
  • Did they ever make a "blue episode" of queer cousin sex between you and Luke Duke?"
    No, but they did a queer cousin underground blue tape of sex between our replacments — Byron Cherry (Coy Duke) and Christopher Mayer (Vance Duke) — during the actor's strike in 1983. It was a hot bareback fuck scene and I think Christopher Mayer posted a copy on xtube.com. True story: Byron Cherry later died of AIDS.
  • Your husband, Michael Williams, shares the name of my best friend, Michael Williams — what do you think of that little coincidence?"
    I don't think much of that.
  • What's the biggest dick you've ever sucked?
    I sucked Morgan Freeman's dick. It's like 11" or possibly more. Filled my whole esophagus.
  • What kind of boys do you like to suck off?
    Men of color.
  • Dame Judi, do you suck dick?"
    Andy, I love to suck dick.
  • OJ, was Ron Goldman a faggot?"
    Andy, you know, I think he probably was.
  • OJ, did you do it?"
    Yes, I did it.
  • Then would you consider murdering Ron Goldman a hate crime?
    No. He was ancillary damage. What I wanted to do that night was murder Nicole. And I did it.
  • Are you a cocksucker, like Goldman?"
    Yes, Andy, I'm a cocksucker. I prefer white dick.
  • Do you mean the "translucence" of white dick or dick of all colors?"
    I mean primarily white dick. But the dicks of men of color are also beautiful, not for translucence but perhaps for exoticism or the history of imperialism, you know?
  • Your majesty, are you a screaming queen?"
    Oh, yes, Andy, I love cocksucking and buttfucking.
  • Who else in the royal family is a total cocksucker?
    Most of us are engaged dicksuckers, Andy. But only Harry and I are buttufuckers. I think Harry learned about buttfucking in the military. I learned about buttfucking from Philip. Interesting fact: Diana was a total prude. Just a boring bitch.
  • What do you think is the most beautiful part — aesthetically — of the penis?
    The translucence.
  • What are your thoughts on the Tim Burton remake of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"?"
    Imaginative, I liked it.
  • Have you sucked Johnny Depp's dick?
    No.
  • Really, you liked the Burton remake?"
    I love anything with Johnny Depp!
  • Mr. Dahl, are you a child molester?"
    No, I don't identify that way.
  • At your late age, are you still sucking big dick?"
    Yes. When someone starts sucking dick at such an early age you just can't ever stop.
  • When did you start sucking dick?
    At age 13. I made the rounds at Twentieth Century Fox.
  • Shirley, what is your full name?"
    Shirley Temple Black.
  • Whose cock would you love to suck on?
    Maybe Corey Feldman. I love sucking dick of former child stars. Frankie Muniz has a massive penis. Unbelievable. I had to take my dentures out.
  • Ted, how many women did you murder?"
    Andy, I murdered 30 women in 7 states, late 70s.
  • Are you a cocksucker?
    Yes.
  • What do you like most about dick?
    The balls.
  • Are you a ballsucker?
    Yes, I'm a ballsucker.
  • You like to suck black dick?
    I do.
  • Is Diane Keaton a dicksucker?
    Definitely.
  • Has Keaton sucked your dick?
    Yes.
  • Woody, what kind of boys do you like?"
    Black guys.
  • Whitney, do you swallow?"
    I always swallow.
  • Is swallowing your favorite way to eat cum?
    No.
  • Whitney, what's a "jizz ball"?"
    Frozen sperm, like an ice cube, a jizz cube.
  • What's your favorite way to eat cum?
    Jizz balls.
  • Ms. Jemima, how big does that dick have to be?"
    That dick has to be a foot.
  • Ms. Jemima, what kind of dick do you like to suck?"
    I like southern black dick.
  • Ms. Jemima, what do you do if you can't find a dick to suck?"
    Eat a biscuit.
  • Ms. Jemima, do you swallow?"
    Sure do.

© 2023 by T Kahn. Proudly created with Wix.com

bottom of page