macbook heir

andy pink, fairport, conn —

greetings from a man who actually knows how to fucking tip-toe through the fucking tulips —

the trackpad on my macbook air is pretty much dead; i took it in to the apple store in the back bay in toontown (penn) and it should be fixed in a few days but i had to leave it in the kennel because it requires fingers and hands to properly redesign. for this reason, i am upright on my imac, and for this reason i am less comfortable than i would be slouching on my bed with my macbook, and for this reason i will write an unseasonably short entry for you this afternoon.

i would like to announce that: obama is a worser president that gw bush and both were worser than gh bush.

in other news: about grindr, which i mentioned a few days ago, a gay hook-up iphone app, i was innocently on the app last night, with a new pic, which is quite tender and lovely — tag line: “massively undereducated, endless conversation while i admire your body” — i quickly, with new and improved photograph, i was promptly “hit up” (did we speak so stupidly when we were kids?) — i was quickly engaged by a beautiful young boy of 20, my my, i must look rather amazing these days. we had a bit of banter back and forth — revealed immediately: i clearly funnier and smarter than him — and then it was announced that he was a student at the university of antioch (which is where i currently teach) — egads, what to do, we have in our faculty contract what is called the “fraternizing policy” which, in the most confusing language possible, forbids sexual engagements with students, you do – you fired. now, this would not always have been the case, even two generations ago, before the sex police (by which i mean, quite a bit by: feminism) — this would not have been the case before the sex police took up residence in my underwear. but, simultaneously loving my job and looking for a new one, i decided to not respond to this cute sweet boy’s divulgence of academic affiliation with the college of the marys — and so, i slept alone, yet again, drool to handkerchief, dreaming of telling you all my illicit stories of the forbidden.

of course, i am attracted to all of my students. pennsylvania is like that in the fall: hot, moist, desperate, randy, and illegal.

i will write very little today because very little has happened since i last wrote to you. i worked a bit on my cover letter for the new faculty position that i will apply for, it is due online on november 1st. it is for “feminist theory,” but it also gestures toward the kind of philosophy that i teach, so i am an able man ready for the job. i do believe that applying for a job teaching feminism — not having a clitoris may work against me. but i would not want a clitoris even were it to land me this job in california! i do not like tanned bodies, buffed boys, board shorts, and sex on the beach enough to be a woman! sex police be damned and in charge!

i will spend the rest of the day watching news.

my mood is much better, i walked well today, i didn’t shout down at the boys and girls at the genius bar, and i feel full of vapid stock, turkey soup, and the kind of character that can only be revealed by a cleft chin.

i am disappointed that no one commented — except the sage annatroy — on my ok cupid profile, of a few days ago. i’d like some feedback — or at least a letter grade; pass/fail not acceptable.

love randy andy