141, with love

andy pink, undisclosed, massachusetts —

i'm at the davis starbucks, love this long table, it's so emaciated in the width, like me, despite putting on 3 lbs (maybe 2?) since the sign plot; i bought the water at robbins — because it is significantly cheaper and i miss the two guys and a girl — and a pizza place — avoided the store, walked to chris's starbucks, he was absent, he noticed me the other night, coming from the 7-11, i waved awkwardly, surprised a bit that he remembers me, i haven't seen him in about 6 months, and when dave and i hit the harvard starbucks (btw: the actual harvard starbucks, both of them in fact, are terrible) — anyway, he doesn't work saturday days and he's not right for me, i don't think; his new grindr pic is much improved, with cake, and he is adorable in his way, and it's more than p*trick did to compliment (by way of compliment) my red pair, though that pair post-dates our original aching flirtation.

i still want to marry patrick — but i deleted, at least for a bit, the post about the annulment, which i think is — cost/benefit analysis — truly unnecessary. how would i relate to an attorney that didn't specialize in bankruptcy? that reminds me: molly williams of newton, massachusetts owes me $16,000 in hospital bills for torturing me since 2011 (and quite possibly starting earlier). i suspect i won't speak to molly until the wedding, if i invite her.

my doctor said "141" is the pill code on wellbutrin 150, which is certainly what i split four-ways for 37.5, so — i thank the bitch in lincoln, nebraska for obsessively reading through the fact sheet; very sweet. if you want to share starbucks boulangerie sometime — on you — send a party favor to my ex-girlfriend.

in case the bitch from nebraska — who has traveled several times to "wichita," a name i never really liked — thinks 141 works better as 69 — like i did — then you can go fuck yourself yet again because: i am not interested in sex or girl parts. i assumed my doctor was wrong about wellbutrin 141 — i cross-checked it with crosscheckitnow.com and — yes, my doctor is right. i also cross-checked the 6 of 69 of 141 as 6 as the sum of 1 and 4 and 1 and — that cross-checked out with sexualnaivete.com — then i decided to — why not? — look up patrick conley and i found a bunch of shit that was kind of disturbing —

i don't remember being this depressed in quite some time.

trevor's gf really is lame, and it speaks poorly of me that i ever loved a guy who isn't able to discern that.

went to the bee and trader j with mom this morning, then home, then harvard brookline starbucks, then walk to other harvard starbucks, upstairs — getting into the bathroom there is like applying for a taxi license — then walked to central, the asian paris spot — "we open everyday," i hate it when people are in on their own joke — now at davis, for a couple of hours of tap a that — and then sky with pete at 3, who is still toiling away. got him a great gift for his defense, but he won't be done until september so i'll have to try to avoid — evade? — pre-gifting it to myself before he succeeds. but, in anticipation of his failure, perhaps i should just sketch in it myself. how cool to have an entire comic book chapter in a dissertation? if only i were attracted to him and we got along and we had anything in common (the latter is unnecessary) —

what's lovely about the gift to pete? — the second one — which i will not send him — serves nicely as a wedding gift for p*trick.

for the asshole in st louis: you did get it right, i always wanted to live in cleveland — but not for you. i'm not into hairy.

p to the a — hey —

anyway, just to say, in delay, i appreciate:

i recognize

i read i'm breaking up with my gf

andy p

i had been wondering this: were you offended by the reuptakester talk?

i do have a plan for the wedding — it is free — and we don't actually have to take the vows, though i would like to, i think — and i don't think i'll be able to go back in the store, possibly ever.

do you know who sherry turkle is? — look her up, i know her and i'm working on it.

this has been a truly awful week.

update: the lithium was at .6 @ 900 so i went back up to 1050 — yet managed to forget to take last night's dose because i fell asleep at 7 — anyway, per car scheduling to new ville, i won't have the blood drawn and the arm bandaged for another 10 days. i can't log in to crazymeds — not sure why — and so if anyone on there is on here, please do send me a link to the new faq.

oh by the way: the faq to this site — at nearly 1,800 questions — is the best part. true to the form of my life, it won't post to the site and won't even load to the editor. all the players and their mistakes are on it, and even wonder boy shows up —

the capital project is going nowhere, and i've made a tactical error by dividing it into separate files which has confused a depressed mind, which is slow. what's strange about althusser: he has very little to say. i think ranicere was probably smarter. but althusser was manic depressive and for someone who is also completely fucked up (but who did not strangle his wife, like althusser did) — i'd like to say: peace, louis, peace out. i love you very much.

i'm surprised how much i like lenin's writings. he had the most severe of faces. did i mention that my great-grandfather was a confidant of lenin and has a street named after him in petrograd? did i mention that? did i mention that my grandfather won the japanese peace price in 1973? did i mention that? did i mention that my other grandfather was a professor at harvard who wrote the original scholarship on the protestant reformation? did i mention that? did i mention that my uncle was a professor of literature at yale? did i mention that? did i mention that my parents are total failures? did i mention that? did i mention that my great-grandfather published a book in a series with einstein? did i mention that? did i mention that both of my parents are total failures? did i mention that? i did?

did i mention that i am the best person you will ever know? did i mention that?

peace,

andy

did i mention that i worked at the gap in harvard square before i started the job at berklee? did i mention that?

postscript: should it give me pause that my psychiatrist knows the pill number on the wellbutrin? he didn't specify er or sr or immediate — but how would he know the 141 except if he too was splitting them with the 411?

i love him very much and i did instantly. i'd like to get some video — up-close — of his hand manipulations, precious. maybe post them on a separate site. to ask a man who is a stranger to marry you with a yard sale sign is — i'm going to wager — beautiful. any which way, it is beautiful.