operation 141 aborted mission return to penis

andy pink, capetown, alabama —

when i have chris's dick in my mouth for the first time my pleasure will inevitably — and quite quickly — be interrupted by the thought that: i will not always have chris's dick in my mouth. there will be times when we are together and my mouth won't be wrapped around his cock. and i will think not about the present moment of having his dick in my mouth but of the conclusion of this session, when we will depart, and chris and i will eat or i'll go write and he'll do computer/music stuff, or chris will cook for me. but perhaps it will be enough to know that pretty much when i want his dick in my mouth — i will get to have his dick in my mouth. and then with that thought, i can go back to enjoying sucking his dick.

i had planned to go to harvard sq today to locate an electronics shop that could fix the $40 apple green headphones that i bought a couple of months ago on amazon that took 3 weeks to be shipped from japan. the situation is the plug is disfigured due to my tripping on the cord with the result that i am only getting sound in one of the sides of the headphones. this is terribly annoying and the music basically sucks now. so i have to now — in the apt — listen to the music through the crap $20 speakers that trevor left me which are entirely shit. conclusion to this: i ended up jerking off, making revisions to the previous fact sheet entry — which i think, in all honesty, concludes with a kind of crude meddling in patrick's private financial affairs, even if i do know better than him — and then taking a nap. tomorrow my mother will come over at 9 and help me clean the apt — she will bring soap, sponges, and comet; i will likely move all the clothes around a bit and initiate a laundry; hopefully we will go out to lunch when the situation in the apt has improved. i will not tell my mother about chris — even if she knows about patrick — and i will wait on it. she will be so happy of course — i really am the failure in the family of one — and now molly and i will be (chicken) patched up quite quickly, i think, and then i will demand that stan, my mother's partner, give her $100,000 before he is allowed to meet chris. of course stan will refuse to do this — miser that he is — and so stan, my step-father, will never meet chris but, with molly's return, and my return, the new configuration will be: me and chris, molly and dave, her husband, who is a drip, and then my mom. and really, we will return to the original configuration of me, molly, and my mom where me and molly make fun of my mom constantly. chris and dave will get to know each other, they will bond over being kind people, and they will compare and contrast notes about how twistedly unique the williams siblings are. eventually stan dies of coronary failure.

i'm going to wager that chris's chest is basically smooth — maybe a little hairy, the kind of (chicken) patch of hair that someone might sport when their body is subordinate to higher faculties, such as sense of humor, kindness, generosity, intelligence, and charisma. but of course chris is so profoundly sexy, i'm wondering now what it will be like to see him again at the end of the week, whenever, and whether i will look away when i first catch sight of his eyes, i think i probably will, perhaps i will look down and smile. but i think i will quickly hug him, maybe violently, depends on what i'm wearing, and then i'll probably kiss him on the top of the head because i am the taller one.

and he will bring something other than himself, he will know that he has to do that. i have given him a book that has taken me 5 years to write, with 10 years of academic training behind it, and a website that has amassed writing from a couple of years. what he brings will be small, but it will be an addition.

one striking thing about the nap this afternoon was that i woke up with such intense feelings about chris and virtually none about patrick. i now almost have no feeling for patrick and certainly would never have sex with him. i am a bit interested in his financial well being — and i now feel strangely invested in his graduate education, which is truly odd, since i would say there's very little of substance in biochemistry, i would imagine — but: i want him to succeed. and even if it turns out that he will remain with his asian gf, that is ok, as i made clear at the outset of entries i wrote about him in the fact sheet, now a couple of years ago. because chris and i fell in love, operation 141 is aborted. the website will stay up, i will enhance it as i have the energy, i will sub out the name "patrick" with "jesse" (maybe "tim") and everything will return to normal at the corner of commonwealth and griggs. the stickers will remain up, i suppose, and all of us involved in this little aborted plot can smile about the weekend when love and the penis triumphed over homosexual panic and vengeance. and i will never set foot in that store again.

the package will arrive tomorrow — it's fairly unremarkable, i should warn you — it's just a usps box ($14 standard rate priority) with the book at the bottom, with charming little index sign arrows that i used for the chris placement, directing to the page, and then the inscription, which has already been iterated:

january 2017

for patrick, barista

i hope that you enjoy this book as much as the 120 other students i am teaching this semester do.

it's been real.

love michael

patrick can either tell meagan (or whoever the manager is now; there was talk that she was going to move to a capital one cafe because it paid more, but i don't know how that turned out because i ended up being cruelly mistreated — practically illegally — by the employees at that starbucks) — the truth can either be revealed and the website enjoyed by meagan or patrick can closet the story, return to his gf, and skate alone. i do hope i have been influential — there are a couple of entries in the fact sheet where i really talk about disliking him, but i think in the end i never really stopped liking him; he's very likable in a way because of this radical gender split in his features: he has incredibly masculine features (erect posture, dropping ollies) and then massively feminine features (small motor skills, gait); it's all just ridiculously vulnerable, virtually impossible not to like that kid. will find a fellow skater very quickly no doubt. and the gf will be relieved, in her way, and they will remain friends, and truly chris and i will help her find another guy who is an even better match. and i think perhaps he will not come out to his working class catholic parents, ever. and that is perfectly fine. it's really none of their fucking business.

i do hope that patrick reads my book. he will like it, and he will get a lot out of it.

i am worried that there will be complications with cialis and that there will be real sexual problems in my relationship with chris. this will have to be negotiated and worked on, over time. but obviously since i am in love with him i will do whatever is necessary to make him happy. i wonder if prostitutes will eventually be involved. or perhaps i will actually have to walk the walk when it comes to jockstraps. my lord, do those look uncomfortable. though, when i bought a jockstrap in grade school when i was playing soccer — there was a period after my father died where my mother really tried to butch me up and got me involved in all of these masculine activities, like soccer and skateboarding — in soccer, i had to buy a jockstrap, which was purchased at a local sports store on rte 9 in chestnut hill, and when my mother and i brought it home for some reason my step-father, stan, was asked to inspect the new jockstrap and his response in his analysis of my new jockstrap — his evaluation, his judgment — was that it was "very large." perhaps operation $100,000 will have to be aborted as well. stan is such a character, chris already deserves to meet him.

and this is how i won my family back.

goodnight,

monkey