dear patrick

I feel love for him very much; not for any particular reason, no specific logic, or evidence, and i know virtually nothing about him. but i feel it hard, and i feel it often, and it insists, presence.

I did not intend to imply that I was some kind of teacher, I'm not a successful enough homosexual to pretend to teach anyone. I am smart at philosophy, and I can teach that, but there is no way that I would imagine myself as qualified to teach anything to anyone about sexuality. I'm sorry if he read it that way, I'm not sure why the inscription came out that way. I don't think there was anything in particular that I wanted to say, I guess I was just saying hi to him in a more direct way than my usual walk for coffee.

Anyway, it has been an extraordinary experience for me, and I have no real regrets. I was able to move on to Chris, and now this little guy at the Trader J's by school, who I like very much — both have been a lot of fun though less intense than the way I felt for him, originally. I can't explain how it happened — it's nothing specific about him, no feature, no look, nothing I would articulate in any way — it's basically just a feeling.

But I didn't mean to imply teaching. That would be a terrible burden. I don't have anything to teach about sexuality. I don't know how anyone manages anything around sex, so I wouldn't bother to try to pretend to initiate him, or direct him, in any way.

I am an absolute delight to talk to.

Michael

I find love to be instantly always new, and you were the object of my inexperience.

I am not such the monster that I was that morning.