dear chris

You've had a few months to reconsider my mental illness as the potential deal-breaker in our relationship; first, thank you for checking in with the website a month ago, I only caught that last week on the counter, and you didn't bother to send a note, which is fine. We would have made a healthy pair — you would have enjoyed the occasional inpatient visit of me at st elizabeths — and i think the sex would have been great once I was able to work though my initial trepidation and nervousness. In the end, I should never have sent you the website, never shown it to you, it was too much, too soon, as tends to be my way, and even in your fantasy life about me — which was meagre in contrast to my fantasy life about you — even with our tense rapport in the coffee shop for several months, you didn't have adequate context to position my mental illness in the proper place; so, I regret presenting you with the gift of a website that I built for you.

I of course have avoided ula since, why bother, so I imagine we will never visit with each other again, which is fine. But, if you return to the site to check out my note to you — this — I want you to know that I don't really fall for people very often, it's rare, and I did totally and completely fall for you, and even if that is a bit of a credit to me and my imagination, it is also credit to you for offering the fodder for my fantasy. You are simply quite beautiful — at least to me — and you will soon find a guy who is a bit less unhinged than me, a bit less charismatic than me, but all the same a quality find for a quality man.

I haven't added much to the website since you viewed it — in January — so there's no reason to repeat the cycle, if you find yourself here, nothing new except a couple of fact sheet entries, I'm trying to get back into it there. Things with me are generally good — now that I'm not at ula i'm over at trident, on newbury, which is nice, close to work, i'm sure you know it, and perhaps we will run into each other there at some point, i'll ignore you.

I wish you the best — I'm summarizing, generally, as summer starts, so forgive me that I'm going back to you for the moment — I hope it all works out well in the land of music and computer, and I'll be rooting for you, at a distance, watching, enjoying your every success.

Later,

Michael