dick heaven

holla andy whores —

i looked through the archive yesterday and it's quite impressive. there is a lot of good writing in there, and i am proud of my ability to write fictional prose as well as the academic texts. talented, i am. i must have been elevated — "hypomanic" — at the time, given that those texts, early on, and written first on crazymeds, were for a distinct audience: crazy people and their frustrations about meds. i was getting many hits at the time of crazymeds, especially when the blog turned into a tutorial for gay sex. the writing on patrick and mike are really good, detailed and illuminating, and sexy, and i would like to extend that form of writing elsewhere. i had a chapter titled "penis & philosophy," not yet finished, not placed yet, not sure what kind of shape it's in, but i might mine it out of the repressed.

Class was superlative yesterday, virtually everybody participated in class discussion, and as i thought, all of them liked "dottie gets spanked." i even managed to get a few good laughs for my dry, absurdist sense of humor. performing in class, it made sense to me that i spent a good deal of my life as an actor. i have a good poker face, and i veil some of my freakiness in my closed lip seriousness. i am easily abused camp, at poker face.

speaking of the serious: this is what sontag says is the derision of camp. this camp is, not the feminine play of the drag queen but a style that is "so bad that's it good," as sontag says. this camp is decidedly queer, and the best part of its profile is the "innocence" that that sontag associates with it. it can deride the serious, but at the same time it exposes itself only as innocent, without an intention, motive, agency, or agenda. kitsch is a close partner of camp, but kitsch (a yiddish word) is not gay, as is camp. an example of camp is the drag show (which is also a manifestation of the other definition of camp: queening it up). an example of kitsch would be the lava lamp. also, camp is more performative; indeed, kitsch is about the object, whereas camp is about the subject. i killed my lava lamp.

i realized that a reader might merely skim the text and jerk off to the lovely pictures that accompany all of the entries. While i hope that you manage to return to the text, i am also happy to provide a bit of dick heaven for my readers, jerk it, and repeat.

love a to the p