Gaze, Projects, Xfinity, Mason

Pink’s winks, jinx

Opthy + Psych = Tomorow’s Agenda (Tailor) * Barista #1 - Red Sox —

Playing for the Jimmy Fund, in the case that I catch the black death, bossy miss molly —

After some genuine movement on “system” and some good faith thoughts on “debt to marx,” i am slowly heading in the right direction for my work. When completed, “system” and “debt to marx” (neither of which is part of the perverse relational cinematic series but is rather the torn traces from “pervert-schizoid-woman”) will be supplemented by return to work on “death of the author, or psychoanalysis” which i made more complicated than it needs to be, “notes on queer studies,” which needs some overhaul, though is in no way irredeemable, and in fact represents the seeds and skeleton and even skin of the work itself.

“notes on cultural studies” needs a bit of (lots of) work, mostly because i have to figure out what the note is, or what the relationship of cultural studies to heidegger and foucualt (et al.) actually is (it’s simple, but needs to be spelled out). the part on foucault and madness is tight, but it’s not clear in the text why it is important. this is a problem — stakes — in the entire project, at least i think. whatever the marx chapter is going to be in prc after so much of it has been pulled into an expanded “debt to marx” — i do not know.

as for “relational” and “cinematic” and “revolution” i don’t have much but a passion. this is all at least a year off, so the aliens project will wait for me to catch up with it. or until they come up.

i am hoping my new (i assume: refurbished) iphone will arrive by thursday. i’m sure it will be impossible to use, and i will ask them point blank if the previous phone had been hacked. they really should be able to tell me that. they should also tell me what to do. i’m assuming the hack is minor (or nonexistent possibly) and i will be able to return to the (slightly) dysfunctional music app, the phone, email, text, weather and not much else. to regard the regard of god: “apps suck!”

as for barista #1, mason — here with his stupid black backward cap, because i got close to him today, because i ordered from him today, i can see that this idiot’s black cap in fact hides his receding black hair line (as did his black winter beanie weenie, which was alas hotter than this dumb cap). anyway, now we finally know that his hair sucks, and that for some reason old baldy is not an option for him (e.g., probably looks poor on him). basically: his hair just sucks.

one of patrick’s great draws was his blond hair, with the tight narrow jawline, but he later receded, he later buzz cutted, olde balde, and he later looked significantly less good, though i still managed to stalk him (all is fair in love and peace) a bit longer after the mistaken shear. (patrick was always smart enough not to ruin his torso — or any other part of his body — with ink or whatever it’s called these long days.) he was (is) a phd student. as everyone says, i should be swimming in higher waters, williams, as ron would say (ron = beautiful penis).

i think i will always have my hair, good show, i’ll dye it white/blond till the end of my days, perhaps with streaks of purple for the ladies.

barista #1 is so closeted with wife (!!!) that he serves me without a glitch. this scene has repeated for him so many times (closet/revelation) — i witnessed a younger woman run into the store, interrupting a customer, and asking him if was gay, to which he said, unbelievably unflustered, “no.” inscribed in his voice, and face. god. what a nightmare for him.

connie (who i am texting with less and less, mostly because for some reason texting with her only works on the phone and not on the computer, making it more difficult to write to) says that esl classes can be quite lucrative (though hopefully not too much), so i will try with a highly revised/falsified resume on thursday, harvard and kenmore, and possibly at the peak of the mountain on his end of commonwealth.

see how productive andy can be in the presence of his muse (“love”)? courtly love can be a bitch.

andy p, to you and me, to mason: we are still in love, after all of these months and stupidities —

one day i will give it to you, the gift, and then you’ll never want it again —

love mister andy pink

update: i have done very good work on “system” and am really pleased with it. i think it will be easy/(ier) to move forward with it, to cut parts of the dictionary part, to cut parts of the duchamp mess, and clean up the end. this chapter is illuminating but given the subject matter it is still virtually impossible to understand, even for me. but “system” will be really cool when it comes out and possibly the best book (following “yes, yes” which is like the smartest thing i’ve ever read, true story). my problem: bad at marketing, and i seem to do that with some purpose. our indie press is pretty cool, no matter, my mom has another book of poems about molly that will be ready to go by the end of the summer, depending on whether they fit amazon’s criteria. “system” looks to be good, and then later i’ll clean up “cultural notes,” “queer notes,” and debt to marx” — and then i have to figure out how to resurrect the other good chapter, “author…death”.

onto mason again: i think i could possibly imagine that he is smart given the blank aviators but since he is such an idiot i’m not sure any fashion changes could save him. he has a terrible situation, perhaps moreso than patrick ever had, and he def doesn’t want anything to do with him, so i’ll ease away. i’ll stay, use him as the reflection for my time here, and then to try not to think about him, ever.

mann always said that these usually end when another object comes around: like, in boston, occasional little guy, berklee students, patrick, trevor, mike (chris), second patrick, rich, mason. that gives me three distinct men that i fell in love with since i moved back to boston 15 years ago. i would say i didn’t love second patrick or little guy. so that leaves: scant berklee boys, patrick, trevor mike/chris, rich, mason. that ‘s a healthy 5. will have to move on and even though my time with mason is excruciatingly pleasurable, this is at a total dead end. and can’t go backward. must investigate ball square, there’s nothing in union, yet.

i’ll take the morning off, as i’ve done the work i need to do

love — andy p

see the blond guy: