Today

dearest cunt toys, i have two — andy pink here to brighten your day and satiate his graphomania:

back from the park, tim, jon's partner, guarded max this morning, tim is a child psychiatrist at mgh, and, stunningly, the president of the apa (american psychiatric association), which is a massive title, he is quite grand in his field, psychiatry, and his speciality, chid psychiatry, and it's somewhat of an honor to talk with him and be friends with him, though the fact that i have no respect for psychiatry limits my adulation of him a bit. we didn't get to it in our discussion this morning (he only comes to the park on the weekends, jon is there weekdays) but i wanted to ask about whether anybody (presumaby a neuroscientist/researcher) had actually had an empirical (sensory) encounter with a neuron, the basic unit of the brain according to neuro studies. my understanding — and would mention to my classes at berkee in the by, is that the neuron is an inference and deduction based on models, not an object that has been empirically verified. in my various rants again neuroscience and psychiatry in my classes, i always said that psychiatry is not actually based in anything, since their model and meds are based on fiction rather than verifiable empiricism. it's an interesting question, i think the entire field (neuroscience) is hogwash (patrick was a biochem grade student at bu during our time together), and i tend to think of mental illness as more of a spiritual problem (or enhancement) rather than a biochemical misfire in the brain.

jeff did well with maya this morning, they tugged, they pulled, they whistled, they ran, they cavorted, it was all good. i'm beginning to realize that jim is daft in a lot of ways, and i like him as a friend, though i think he has a bit of a sexual interest in me, unreturned, but he is stupid in some ways: like he didn't get the reference to the "tower of london" from a set of shakespeare history plays yesterday, and he also seemed confused by a few other things. chris i think is probably smarter — he went to a fancy prep school, philips andover, and probably a fancy college (like me), so i think jim was initially chosen (as his son) as chris is older than jim, though not the kind of sexy July-December age gap as in my relationship with rich. but jim is extraordinarily nice — i do really like him — but he does seem a bit daft to me, finally. Actually, i can say with some certainty that a lot of the folks at the moderna park are daft. but i love them all each in their unique way — i think jodi is smart, but she keeps a distance from the gay boy posse at the park in the morning. virgin cruises.

today (nov 2, all souls day) is the anniversary of my father's death, 1984, it's been on my mind all week, and i'm going to have coffee with my mom later, in chestnut hill, which means i will have to trek on the green line, possibly including a shuttle bus at kenmore. i'm not feeling sexy at all today, i feel slightly bloated from the burrito i ate last night, i did eat only 1900 calories yesterday, which is below the limit, so i feel good about that. i do feel guilty about restarting cigs (if only for a limited time), but it's been stressful on the website. i'll put out the butts tomorrow. back to the horse gum. i need dick.

love andy p

ugly pic of me, so say the sunglasses, but I am genuinely happy here, with chell