Weight Watchers and the Gay's Gaze

today is my first official day on weight watchers. so far: strawberries, banana. in ww, fruits and vegs are point free, and you can even earn a point by eating a cup of roots, which i'm unlikely to do.

i've cut my water (seltzer) consumption in half, as not only is that too much for my whole system, but it can also cause weight gain! had i known! i have another banana for before class, and then tonight i will enjoy a "reasonable" meal (not my choice of words which might be something like: "decadant," that is, in fact, the essence of the dandy in the 19th century). probably just more fruit. dick is 3 points, and is considered a "reasonable" dinner.

the point system is beyond the comprehension of all but the web masters, but i think this is why people swear by it: they don't have to think about food at all. just points, no obsessing about food. so many are so fat. it's disgusting. nothing like a horny fat ("fats") gay man.

i'm not sure i mentioned this: a perfectly nice black man vomited one seat away from me on the T green line the other day. all heavens thanks, i was not hit, though at the end of the first heave I did look him eye-to-eye and said: "are you alright?" — which is much better than what all of the white patrons did: running to the other side of the car.

the smell was unbearable, as you might imagine, and at the next stop a T technician came in to liberate us, putting some happy salts on the vomit (by the exit door, in the back). the happy salts still didn't quite cover the smell, but i only had two stops to go (park) and so i stuck it out, even remaining seated while all the white bitches ran from this black man —perhaps less so for his vomit and more for his race. I hate white women this type. much prefer black men. If there is any type of woman i like it is: big black women. love them.

i think rich will later think of me as one of the "one who got away." i have several of these, it's bound to happen times in a person's life, and being good looking, smart, funny, and kind — i am not only a good match for rich but also just a generally good match. this will be regret, later. inexperience, first time around.

it's sad, this is a frequent dynamic, most acute between younger and older. maybe that was the deal-breaker, but he wanted an older brother, which is pretty much me. i'm surprised his mates at 1369 haven't moved him toward me. they all liked me.

the "one who got away" (one of them) becomes a source of melancholia (not anger), at least in my various objects. i regret patrick the most, and he will return in some form: his mates check on me sometimes, i don't know what the purpose or telos of this surveillance is. they're all circulating around kendall, as post-grads at mit.

i am at the repressed (really: inhibited) harvard tits, it's full, and my anonymous leather couches are filled up with white harvard bitches. i did get a sideways (profile) shot of the blond boy but he was looking down, immersed in the cap machine. he didn't notice me, or he hates me, and i've decided to let our relationship ease, after day 4.

that the twink has passed by, and been replaced by muscle hairy daddies (which i cannot imagine), i am archaic in my desire of these dumb twinkies.

i am a connisseur of dick, i like it very much, mostly in my mouth, i like it tanned and white, like this man's body, and i will suck it real and long, forever, if given the chance, by you. better than my seeking a daddy — is the blond boy seeking an other brother. that's the idea.

andy on the sweet sweated poll,

pinkster

thinner days