edit. mlk jr and blowjobs

andy pink, forrest lake, illinois —

edit.

i will say this, if i don't have direct contact with chris at midnight tonight, i will probably descend into a negative state, which would be bad, actually, really, it would interrupt my writing, make it difficult for me to prep for school, and possibly endanger my health, probably only minorly, but still, it would be bad, and i think that would probably happen, which, since it may not be necessary, should be avoided. if you read part of the book, chapter two, which is sort of the big lie of the book, yet my favorite chapter, partly because of the great j. edgar hoover find for the epigraph — you will recall that pain is not part of the bond between the blond masochist and the ginger masochist. i am in a bit of pain at the moment, though i appreciate your textual digital intervention, if that was you.

that said, i realize i waited from i think wednesday to monday to return to the scene of the gesture. i am not sure why i did this — waiting — it wasn't a reference to the book — though the swap out metaphorical substitution of soda (which was actually our original interaction, if you recall) for yogurt, and sticker for napkin — but it is in part because i was uncertain and a bit frightened, actually, i'm not entirely sure why that was, but i'm pretty sure that fear was the affect during that interval. i don't feel that so much at the moment; it is more: dread and shame, as should have been clear in the fact sheet entry of compilation of emails to my doctor. anyway, the apt is not really clean, but we can still cuddle in my twin xl and listen to trashy dance music; i will have to be at berklee tomorrow at 8 in the morning. you need not bring the small addition that i demanded — i actually, truly, don't want anything at the moment. that said, i don't know what your work/project schedule is, so i get that. i am going to nap a bit. i think i won't be able to write till we hang out. talk later, andy

***

i don't have the energy to write at the moment, but i have been told — by my mother, who did a solid job on the kitchen but pussy'd out on the bathroom, this morning — that today is mlk jr. day and there will be no mail delivery (though i can assure you that fedex and ups are running). that i forgot is strange — for my grandfather, homer a jack, was a founding member of core, the congress of racial equality, which was also co-founded by king. i should remember mlk jr. day — me, i should — even if it is a federal holiday that was signed into law by of all presidents — reagan, who my grandfather did not like, precisely because homer was a peace activist (after being marginalized from the civil rights union when black power took over the movement) and reagan was a terrorist (though only invaded grenada, which is a fairly good record, even if mad — mutual assured destruction — was a profoundly disturbing policy) — homer, who i never really liked, won the japanese peace prize (i think in '73), for his work on nuclear disarmament, and it included a cash prize, which was equally split to later fund my college education at swarthmore, and molly's days at cornell, in the 90s. homer died early, i think at 73, of pancreatic cancer, which is possibly the worst one, and probably what my mother will die of. if that is not enough for chris, i have nothing more —

i will write later, i hope, though i might have to go to school to do photocopying if i have the energy; as a veteran, patrick would most certainly be working today for time and a half; i'm going to wager that hoodlo is open — though they were awesomely closed on nyd — but if they are closed today for mlk jr's federal holiday i really will, in all honestly, lose some respect for the handsome tall guy with the brown hair and bruins cap who i think might run the store (and who has memorized by drink order — large light roast — which is more than i can say for chris). the point: there should be seats available — whether at the lunch counter or the coffee stand — on mlk jr day.

andy

the point of this entry is: with the one day delay in delivery, will i return to a hateful, vengeful mindset and try to humiliate my own private patrick further? i suspect the matter has already been resolved at the store in anticipation, but a final decision on the matter will be made based on — indexed by — the quality of military gay boy porn i can find between now and 1 when i have to go over to school. if i had to bet, i would bet against patrick.

i also now realize i will have to identify on the site a different starbucks other than 1304 for the fictional "tim" — i wouldn't want to lead the students to the harvard street one by comm up toward coolidge — where patrick and i were originally introduced to each other, when he worked there — because i like chris, who i think is the manager there, young, gay, bald, and really quite cute, and so another starbucks will have to be chosen. although i grew up in brookline, i really don't like brookline, for a variety of obvious reasons, and so perhaps a store in brookline will do the trick — plus, this will be harder for the berklee allston ghetto students to get to, and therefore there will be less undeserved harrasment of the store — maybe the village, maybe the coolidge one, actually, that is a good target because they usurped property of "village fruit," which was amazing and tenured — yes, the coolidge corner store. coolidge corner really serves to be destroyed now that "brookline bank" is moving into the prime retail space on that whole block. there really is an awful irony that with gay porn — twink, jock, fratboy, even bareback if i can endure it — i always consistently return to gay military porn, always.

andy